Hiding My Heart Away
by SarahandBabees
Summary: Oneshot. Songfic. Song: Hiding My Heart Away - Adele. Jace POV. Jace ponders his life and the decisions he's made. Kinda sad, but nothing that will evoke tears. Well, at least I don't think so...


**_A/N: Hey guys :) just a random idea I got when I was listening to "Hiding My Heart Away" by Adele :) I couldn't help but think of how perfect it was for Jace...so I wrote it up quickly, and now I'm posting it! I hope you all like it, though :S_**

**_Enjoy!_**

**_~I Heart Herondale Boys_**

Hiding My Heart  
>~Jace POV~<p>

_This is how the story went  
>I met someone by accident<br>Who blew me away,  
>Blew me away.<em>

Clary was everything I could ever want and more. She was funny, compassionate, caring, and stubborn. Whenever I was with her, I felt like for once in my life, everything was going to be okay. I felt _normal._

When I first saw her in that dirty old back room at the Pandemonium, she captivated me. There she was, standing up to three heavily armed people, doing what she thought was right. I admired that, even if she was horribly wrong in her judgement. But she hadn't known any better.

_It was in the darkest of my days  
>When you took my sorrow and you took my pain<br>And buried them away,  
>You buried them away.<em>

Clary helped me see that I was worth loving. She was probably the only one who would ever be able to.

But then, those feelings came creeping back, and I started distancing myself from her. I thought that it would be better for her if I wasn't around to screw up her life.

_I wish I could lay down beside you  
>When the day is done.<br>And wake up to your face  
>Against the morning sun.<em>

I remembered the night in Idris, when Clary let me sleep in her bed. All I'd wanted was to be close to her, just one more time. Because I hadn't really thought I'd live to do it again. And technically, I hadn't. But Clary saved me, when she could have had anything else in the world. All she'd wanted was _me._

And that's why I wasn't worthy of her. She was so selfless.

_But like everything I've ever known,  
>You'll disappear one day<br>So I'll spend my whole life  
>Hiding my heart away.<em>

In my life, I'd learned that good things just don't last. It seemed like every time I got close to someone, opened myself up to them, they'd disappear. That's why I'd had such a private, closed-off life. I couldn't take getting hurt again after my "father" had "died".

But Clary came along, and the delicate walls I'd built around my heart crumbled away to nothing. She was the only person I'd ever poured my heart out to.

But I couldn't help but think that maybe someday, she'd disappear too.

So I re-built those walls, stronger this time.

_I dropped you off that the train station  
>And put a kiss on top of your head<br>And watched you wave,  
>Watched you wave.<br>Then I went on home to my skyscrapers,  
>Neon lights and waiting papers<br>That I call home,  
>I call it home.<em>

I knew that I was hurting Clary, but in my mind, it was justified because I wouldn't hurt her even more in the future. Little did I know just how much I was hurting her, what I was doing to her. But it was too late for me to fix anything.

_I wish I could lay down beside you  
>When the day is done.<br>And wake up to your face  
>Against the morning sun.<br>But like everything I've ever known  
>You'll disappear one day<br>So I'll spend my whole life  
>Hiding my heart away.<em>

I should have been content to just be with her, knowing that she needed me just as much as I needed her. But I let my fears and insecurities get the best of me, and let them tear us apart.

I wish I'd done things differently.

_I woke up feeling heavy hearted,  
>I'm going back to where I started.<br>The morning rain,  
>The morning rain.<br>And you know I wish that you were here,  
>On that same old road that brought me here<br>It's calling me home,  
>It's calling me home.<em>

I'd give anything to take back time and do things differently. Maybe then I wouldn't be in this mess, I'd be at the Institute with Clary, holding her close and letting her know just how much I love her.

But now, I sit in some dark corner of my mind, away from the controls, while Jonathan controls me. I can't stop anything, no matter how hard I try. I have to put my faith in Clary that she'll figure this out and kill Jonathan, even if it kills me. Because all I want is for her to be safe, living a normal and happy life. Even if I can't be a part of it.

But if she figures it out without killing me, I'll do everything I can to redeem myself in her eyes. I won't waste one minute on silly insecurities or fears. I'll spend all of my time making sure that Clary knows how much I love her and how much I need her. Because she's the most important person in my life. She's all that matters. I'll spend every minute doing anything and everything to make her happy. She'll know how sorry I am for pushing her away.

_I wish I could lay down beside you  
>When the day is done.<br>And wake up to your face  
>Against the morning sun.<br>But like everything I've ever known,  
>You'll disappear one day<br>So I'll spend my whole life  
>Hiding my heart away.<br>I can't spend my whole life  
>Hiding my heart away.<em>

**_Was it good? I really hope it was. But if it wasn't, please let me know why, so that I can try to improve it :) review and tell me your thoughts, good or bad!_**

**_Follow me on twitter! iloveMagnusB081 :) it was iloveJace081, but I changed it :P I might change it back, though...but for now, it's iloveMagnusB081._**

**_So, remember, follow me on twitter and review :)_**

**_~Sarah_**


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